dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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