Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
you made out with another girl for some wings
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
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