i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Randomize
