i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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