Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
