Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
