i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
