so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
i love accidental penises.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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