why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
he wants to bone in the snuggie
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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