i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
