you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
