Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
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