let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Randomize
