I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
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Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
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She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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