How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
