I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Randomize
