All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
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