they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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