Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Randomize
