i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Randomize
