I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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