My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
