first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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