dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
