To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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