I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
