remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
only you would photoshop your dick
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
