The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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