Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
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