is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
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