you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
