i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Randomize
