I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
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