i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
