did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
