i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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