I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
