he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
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