i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
