and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
