I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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