he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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