Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize
