Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
