Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Randomize
