So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
