They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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