I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Actions speak louder than pants.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
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