When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
You have to summon your inner elephant
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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