I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Randomize
