White coat. Heels.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
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