he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
