dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
She told me I should be a condom model.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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