He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
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