There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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