It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
That was an excessively violent trivia night
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Randomize
