Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
