I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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