So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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