That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
i out mim tonsoeep
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