how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
