She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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