All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
