I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
I just gift wrapped bread.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
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