I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
