Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Randomize
