how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
