New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
