We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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