Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
