FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
