I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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