I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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