So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
