I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Randomize
