he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
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