So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
Randomize
