You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
