I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
