How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I enjoy the company of your penis
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