like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
