the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
