i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
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