He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Randomize
