So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize
