so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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