I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
